Why is life so cruel?

Tomorrow,
Dad's going home and Im going to meet Bolhie, InsyaAllah.

Huh, Im still not in a good mood right now. I dont know what I should do. Im blank.
I cant stop crying thinking about myself, I wonder, why I cant be like them? Like the other teenagers?
Is it because Im still young and not that old enough? Come on mom, dad. You surely know what It feels like me, when you're in your teenage life old years back? Right?

I wanna be like them, I just wanna have fun. I dont want this annoying and lame 'on mama papa's back' life. Please :/ I want FREEEEEEEEEE! Just free.

Your daughter need you guys to let her go and fly. Not living a life in a prison. I dont want this life mom, dad :( Please understand me, understand how I feel and what I really wanted. Thats all I need.  

After that incident, Im not sure if I still can be me. Im not sure if things going to be normal like it used to be. I dont have anyone to be on my back while Im in pain, while Im in need. :')
Im tired of being tired and Im sick of being sick.
These days, I rarely smile and maybe I should just give a fake smile instead :')
I really miss my smile and those laughter..

I felt like a jerk for not being strong enough to face all of this. So, Fuck it all..